This week was yet again a “worse than baseline” week, but once you get to like week 7 or 8 of “worse than baseline”, there’s the reasonable question of: I mean, is this now my new baseline? In previous times I would’ve declared this my new baseline, but I don’t think that would make sense for this moment in my illness/treatment journey. We’re finally making measurable progress on treating some of my (many) infections, and in Oct/Nov I had a high water mark of being able to do a short walk once a week for two weeks in a row. To me, I’m still calling that my “baseline” because one, we know it’s possible and two, it was possible not all that long ago.
Doctors have a tendency to be a little “who can know, the things the body does?”, but I’m holding the line on this one: I was doing better with certain treatment (itraconazole), so why did I get worse when we stopped it, and why did I not improve again when we tried me on a second round of it? Even if the answers to those questions are a little unknowable, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask us to attempt to answer them. And luckily I have doctors that are consistently open to me asking questions instead of being annoyed at an engaged patient.
So on I plod. Today I’m trialing a tiny baby dose of monolaurin, a broad-spectrum antimicrobial that my Lyme specialist wants me on before trialing doxycycline. It may take a while to build up on it, which is fine, because there are also some nutrient deficiencies my main MD and I want to fix before I roll on to doxycycline, which is more likely than not to kick my ass at first. My Lyme specialist said about 80% of his patients do worse before doing better, but 20% seem to start feeling better right away. Internally, I was the “dear Lord, I see what you have done for others” meme; externally, I told him I appreciated knowing what was coming, statistically speaking. He says that by month 3 or 4, we’ll know if Lyme is my main problem or not. So if I can get started soon, that would be just in time for my birthday, weee. But I need to be doing a little better than I am now before I start a medication that has an 80% chance of punching me in the face.
Ok, that’s enough of the illness front lines, on to the fun stuff.
The Timbit Times
Small victory but exciting nonetheless: my dining bar is almost free of clutter! It’s been out of commission pretty much since I moved in because my ability to move about is so limited that it takes a very long time to get any organization project done, and there were a lot of things that just didn’t have homes yet, in boxes or bins or on shelves. I’m really excited to have another place to sit sometimes, even if it will just be for short bursts at the moment, since I’m even having trouble sitting upright for long periods of time right now. Remaining todos are to finish administering the collection of at-home medical tests sitting in one chair, and trying on a bunch of jeans I bought that have been patiently waiting in the other chair. (I would like to have a pair of jeans that feels ok to wear even when I feel like trash.)
Kate Film Club:
“The Little Minister” (1934)
If you missed last week—I wasn’t able to watch this movie because I was sent the wrong DVD! Luckily an exchange sorted it out.
For the most part, I’m not looking up reviews of the movies before I watch them, but in the case of “The Little Minister” I happened upon some while trying to figure out how to watch the movie. And the reviews were kinda mixed? Not great, even? One I think said it was her worst role? So I was pleasantly surprised by this movie, because personally I enjoyed it! I would re-watch it, even. It takes place in 1840s Scotland, and focuses on the arrival of a new minister to a small town, and his encounters with a Romani woman (Katharine Hepburn’s role) that he is drawn to despite himself. Or least, she’s posing as a Romani woman…
In contrast to “Christopher Strong”, where I was disappointed by the fact we just had to take as fact that two characters were madly in love without really knowing why, this movie spends a lot of time developing why these two main characters fall deeply in love with each other. My take: they push each other to be the most authentic and honest versions of themselves. That’s Great Love in my opinion. And the comedic relief in this movie offered a nice balance, too. There’s a lot I could say on how Hepburn’s character is effectively the 1930s idea of a manic pixie dream girl but that could be a whole blog post onto itself. The minister gives us “Hot Priest” vibes (from Fleabag season two) but with less soul-crushing heartbreak.
I have a few meta-observations on not just this movie but all of the Katharine Hepburn movies I’ve watched so far: these old school dramatic close-ups really take mettle to pull off. (Not just Hepburn’s but those of other actors and actresses too.) I remain completely enamored with the music of old Hollywood and will definitely have to do a deep dive on it at some point. Also I like how older movies had the main credits at the beginning of the movie; it makes it feel more like a special event. I have a feeling I could become a classic Hollywood nerd.
Rating: 3.5/5 – A re-watchable good time.
Where to watch: I had to get this on DVD, perhaps try your local library!
Quote: “Can a man like a woman against his will?” “Of course he can. That’s the very nicest way to be liked.”
Kate Film Club:
“Break of Hearts” (1935)
There’s always a risk in making a movie or tv show that focuses on some other creative endeavor, like a show about stand-up comics that has stand-up bits in it, and the stand-up bits still have to be good otherwise the whole thing falls flat. This is a movie about musicians, and I am pleased to report the music is great, and is used to expert effect. As a musician myself, this movie really hit home and I loved every minute of it.
The DVD cover calls it a “triple-hanky romance” and this billing did not disappoint. When a movie’s obvious peak happiness moment occurs and you’re not even a third of the way into the movie, you know you’re in for some Real Shit. There were definitely tearful moments. But there were also a few good laugh out loud moments, too. And I was in love with the cinematography—the New Year’s Eve party was especially mesmerizing. Overall, this is a movie about two musicians who have big feelings about life and all the things in it, and what happens when pride gets in the way of love. And, how it’s sometimes possible to find your way back together.
Can we take a moment to talk about Katharine Hepburn’s hand acting? This is maybe the second or third movie where I’ve been really struck by it: what she attempts to express—and succeeds in expressing—with only her hands. I’ll admit that before starting this “watch every Katharine Hepburn movie ever” venture, I was worried I might find that people just loved her as an actress because she was pretty and defied gender norms in her personal life. (Everyone loves a headstrong woman, in theory, even the people who don’t like headstrong women in practice.) But I’m pleased to be discovering that she’s an incredibly gifted actress on the technical elements, too.
Rating: 4.5/5 – I am keeping this DVD, I will absolutely be making someone special watch this someday and probably will re-watch it myself. The only thing that could’ve made it a 5 is: even more focus on the music.
Where to watch: Another one I had to get on DVD, try your local library! (Or, perhaps get your own copy! It’s that good!)
Quote: “I’m through with rehearsals, through with conducting, and through with music.” “A musician is never through.”
Book of the Week: none!
No book this week! I spent my brainpower instead finishing an essay on Lent. I had planned to read “Deep Thinking” by Garry Kasparov but after two books on poker endlessly repeating how chess is a poor metaphor for real life decision-making, I don’t mind this book missing out from this month’s theme. (The theme being “decision-making” but really with an eye towards how to make the best decisions I can when it comes to high-stakes medical things, where you typically don’t have access to perfect information.)
This upcoming week’s book is “More Than You Know” by Michael J. Mauboussin. I originally read it back in my 20s and was a huge fan. I’m curious to see how it holds up!
French study
Too sick for much study this week, but I’m digging out my Barron’s “501 French Verbs” to practice my conjugation this upcoming week. I think I’ll be in decent shape for the B1 DELF next month without much studying, but I do want to do a little studying if I can. Even things like small spelling errors can set you back quite a bit, so, all the more reason to drill verb conjugations! That’s a simple exercise I can do even with lower-than-usual energy.
My Year of Ne’er-do-well-ism
Allow me to reintroduce myself, as: a Gemini Sun/Moon and Aries rising! This week I got a sidereal astrology birth chart reading, and interpreting my chart through this lens makes a lot more sense than typical Western Astrology (where the placement of constellations hasn’t kept up with where they are astronomically). Before anyone clutches their pearls over me “believing” in astrology, let me simply repeat my line that ‘belief’ is a strong verb for what my relationship is to astrology. But what I will say is: several times in my life, a friend of a friend who claims they can guess people’s signs has wanted to try guessing mine and always the guess is that I’m a Gemini. So at least now the astrology matches my actual perceived presence in the world.
Anyhow! It was a lovely session with a thoughtful reader who had a lot of both affirming and appropriately-challenging things to share with me. I now have a lot to chew on, but I also feel freed from having to repeatedly correct people’s overly-gendered notions about Cancer Suns. Not my problem anymore! And some of people’s uncharitable assessments of Geminis are at least not all that far off for me. Easily bored?, yup! Can see all the sides to a thing and so can be prone to analysis paralysis?, you betcha.
Previously, I identified a lot with being a Taurus rising (much more than being a Cancer Sun/Moon) but fear not: under sidereal astrology my north node is in Taurus and that’s also giving me a lot to think about. Perhaps instead of defending my emotional support fountain pen purchases with “I’m a Taurus rising and I like pretty things!, leave me alone, Better Judgement!”, I can pause and consider when my north node appetite for pretty things is serving me well versus not. That’s personal growth, baby!
Kate Violette 